Girl, So Confusing & The Complexities of Female Friendship

Whether you’re keeping track of pop culture or not, you absolutely have seen that Taylor Swift has released “The Life of a Showgirl,” her highly anticipated twelfth album, and it’s getting dragged by critics and hardcore Swifties.

One of the songs that has everyone semi-angry and calling Taylor out for media illiteracy is “Actually Romantic,” which is supposed to be a dig at Charli xcx, with fans, non-fans, and critics alike accusing Taylor of not being a girl’s girl.

A couple of things must be cleared:

 

Now, with all that said and done, the problem isn’t that Taylor cannot do a diss track or make a subtle dig; she already did that in several songs of hers across the years. The problem is that she either misunderstood or deliberately caused a non-existent feud based on Charli’s song “Sympathy Is a Knife.” People are angry because Taylor failed in what Charli has succeeded at in her Grammy-winning album “brat” which actually talks about the complications and confusion between female friendship in the music industry.

 

From her complicated friendship with Lorde to her own insecurities about Taylor Swift and her success, Charli was vulnerable enough to explore girlhood and the journey to seek authentic female friendships, which is why her collaboration with Lorde speaks volumes.

 

If we see it from both Charli and Lorde’s POVs, not as artists but as women, we can see both of their mindsets and how talking about their fears, wants, and needs from friendships can be beneficial, and working things out in the remix, so do speak. 

 

With all the glitz and glamour of showbiz, and yet, artists are longing for a real connection with female friends. Imagine how regular women feel in their daily lives when it seems like each aspect in their lives is encouraging them that female friendships are frivolous and all about being pretty and gossiping.

 

For decades, lots of women were taught to be “not like the other girls,” and women who are different from themselves will never be your companion, and even when we have female friends, this friendship will fizzle out quickly and over stupid reasons. 

 

On the other hand, we were also taught to keep our feelings of insecurity and jealousy towards other women to ourselves, not really exploring what leads us to not form solid relationships with one another, because if we express our negative feelings, it could be perceived as being haters and filled with envy. So, we end up between two contradictory ideologies, and things become hazy; we feel alone and without a proper understanding of female solidarity.  

 

Despite having several media that showcase female friendship and its positive impact, we still struggle to communicate effectively with our best friends. Maybe it’s the fear of being called a “pick me” or the mishandling of the conversation direction; we were not properly taught that girlhood is messy, complicated, and not a walk in the park.

Girlhood is either portrayed as a symbol of unification or a war against each other.

Like any aspect in our lives, things get muddy; one day you’re fine and dainty, the next day you're being moody, a little mean, and unsteady.

The search for genuine companionship when you’re fighting the patriarchy and misogynist ideologies is a struggle that lots of women face. We long for those midnight car cruises, endless hours of gossip, but also the safe space when we can say whatever we want about relationships, life fears, and mistakes we’ve made along the way without being judged or looked down upon. Sometimes, what stops us from fully communicating and fully expressing ourselves to our female friends is the pedestal we have put ourselves on morally. We don’t want our friends to see us as immoral or evil, so instead of confronting and talking honestly, we sabotage those friendships either by omission or by being hyperbolic towards everything they say. Thinking that they’re attacking us, and with that, we adhere to the unreliable narrative in our head that female friendships will never last. 

 

So, now what? Where do we go from here? How can we fix our inner securities and approach womanhood and girls' world without preconceived notions that being complicated and different will lead us to be alienated, isolated, and ostracized? 

 

We must challenge ourselves to question old ideologies of friendship and remove the concepts of “women are their own worst nightmares. “Women, once they go to the top, will pull the ladder and not encourage each other to be at the same level.”

Just like work, family, etc,  "There are always a few bad apples," but they don’t always reflect the remainder of the barrel.

We all have had a fallout with our best friends, but it doesn’t mean that all women are inherently bad, right?

 

Despite our differences in taste, style, and environment, we are all afraid of something: loneliness, insecurities, feeling inadequate about our womanhood; all of these are common struggles we are dealing with. 

We have to take the risk and talk things over, to see compatibility and the other person’s point of view. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but if the worst-case scenario is that you and your friend don’t meet eye to eye, the silver lining is that both of you got out before things get muddy and uglier and can pursue other community and friendships that reflect your wants and needs. 

The best-case scenario is you talking things out and finding a balance that can benefit both of you.

Let go of ego, insecurities, and take the risk, because living in a constant state of fear will lead you to a lonely place, where no support, love, or case exists. 

 

Your best friend, the ride or die, will come.