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Raising a child is such a difficult job. Every single thing that parents say or do shapes their child’s character and determines how they grow as an adult. When stressed, parents can sometimes pass some remarks that have way bigger impact than they think, especially at the age where they become more receptive. Those little things parents sometimes say when angry or frustrated, though not considering it really harmful, can leave your kid hurt, traumatized, and they will probably carry those words with them for a lifetime.
What we tell our kids and how we speak to them, shape their perception of themselves and how they view the world around them. Because of that, there are things you should never tell your kids to make them feel loved and raise them to become strong.
1. ‘You are being too sensitive’
Telling your child that they are being sensitive will make them ashamed of their feelings when they’re hurt. They will accordingly become reluctant and will often think twice before they voice out their feelings of sadness or disappointment.
2. ‘Practice makes perfect’
While being told with the best intention of motivating your child, by saying so, you add more pressure on your kids. They will often feel that what they are doing is not enough and unless the outcome is perfect, it is then not worth recognition.
3. ‘Let me show you how to do it’
Every parent wants to help their children, it comes naturally out of their nurturing instinct. However, instructing a child on how to do certain things, without giving them space to try on their own, makes them grow dependent. These words work against building confidence in themselves and their capabilities.
4. ‘I will leave you here then.’
Let’s say your kid is playing at the park or at a friend’s place and when it’s time to leave they refuse to go with you. The automatic response for so many parents is to say ‘Ok I’ll go without you and leave you here’. These words make your child feel less secure and that you are likely to abandon them or won’t be there to protect them all the time.
5. ‘I do everything for you’
Words around this context leave the kids in a bad position where they feel unworthy. When your child feels angry or sad and then remembers these words being told to them they will automatically start to think ‘my parents are doing everything for me so if I am angry then I must be the problem’.
6. ‘Stop crying’
Telling your child to stop crying when they are angry, sad, or frustrated will teach them that crying is not ok. As a result, your child will start bottling up their emotions instead of learning that sadness, frustration, and crying are emotions we all experience besides happiness, joy, and excitement.
7. ‘If you do/finish…, I will give you a hug/kiss’
Expressing love to your child should be unconditional. Saying things like ‘I will only hug you when you finish your homework’ or ‘If you finish your food, I’ll give you a kiss’ makes your child feel that they are unworthy of love unless they fulfill certain things.